The Wandering Mind: Confessions of an Insomniac

Start Over

2011-11-01T05:04:00.002-04:00

I need a fresh start...So, here's to new beginnings

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F*ck was I

2011-07-13T07:10:00.008-04:00

I haven't been in a good place, which is why there have been very few updates. I'm not sure if everyone knows exactly what happened with R2D2. Well, he had a girlfriend...yep, we had been dating for 9 months, and it turns out that he officially started a relationship with a young lady 3 months before we started dating. I got an angry email from her, and then she and I spoke on the phone. My heart went out to her because although what R2D2 did was completely wrong to both of us, she was the only one hurt by it. I didn't feel anything at all because my heart was never in it. And he was so nonchalant about the whole thing, that I didn't even care to ask questions or figure it out.....I was just done with him, no looking back, no second thoughts...... Two weeks after that, I reunite with 007. Things are great in the beginning. I do my normal MiMi freakout and he reassures me that he isn't like every other guy that I've dated, so I have no cause to freakout or pack my bags and run from this relationship. Yeah, we were exclusive, or at least I was. It happened again. I wasn't informed about another woman. And although I was told that nothing happened, that the txt messages meant nothing, it was told to me in such a nonchalant way that lead me to believe that he didn't care about me in the first place. There was no fight for me, he wasn't fighting for me to believe him, he fought for me to let it go, to not ask questions because he answered them all. So, I let another man talk me into opening up, and he doesn't even care that he let me down or that he actually broke my heart. And maybe nothing happened with that particular woman, but his actions lead me to believe that it might have happened with someone. That the flirting might have actually escalated into something more. And by actions, I mean that he willingly saw this young lady again. My apparent heartache couldn't even stop that. That's not respect or concern or care. That screams "I don't give a fuck". Well, I guess that his screams were loud enough for me to finally hear.

So here I am again ladies. I don't know what I do to attract these men that are just too selfish to give me a second thought, but I think that I'm going to lay low for a while. My relationships really haven't been working out, as you can see, so I'm going to take a step back from it all before my heart becomes completely unrepairable to where Mr. Right can't even fix it.

Bisous!
MiMi

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The Kill

2011-05-31T02:09:00.002-04:00

I've just realized that I'm trying to replace "romantic" intimacy with sex. When you constantly leave a situation crying because you aren't being kissed or held, when you aren't being told "I miss you" or "I wish you were here", when everything seems to be a game, and you aren't being taken seriously, there is a problem. I've recently been in such a situation. I was trying to deny my feelings, but I will admit that I did fall "head over heels" and now I'm trying to figure out what went wrong and how to walk away. It hurts having to ask someone all of the time to kiss you or hold you without it being in jest. I can't remember the last time that any of those things were done without having to ask for it. And although when I express my emotions through text I receive a response, in person is a completely different story. So, I eventually just gave up and decided that maybe sex would replace the "romantic" intimacy that was missing in that relationship. I kept telling myself, "He's a good man, just wait for him to come around". That has got to stop. He may be a good man, but he isn't reciprocating what I'm giving to him, he isn't opening his heart to me, so, maybe he just isn't the right man for me. That's hard for me to say or even think because of how I feel about him, but all of the signs are there. I live hundreds of miles away, so, when we see each other he shouldn't be able to keep his hands off of me, he should make a way to spend as much time with me as he can...I should feel wanted.

MiMi

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For Blue Skies

2011-05-21T21:43:00.002-04:00

So tonight was supposed to be my first official date night. A few weeks ago a coworker invited me out to dinner. I went, we had a few drinks, some laughs, and then I went home. I didn't think anything of it, until the next day when I got the "good afternoon beautiful" txt. I was like, huh? Everyday for an entire week this man either txt me or called me whispering sweet nothings....and to me, it really was nothing. So, I had to let him know that I wasn't under the impression that he was interested in me,that I went to dinner with him as a friend, and that he needed to take a few steps back. Fast forward 3 weeks. Apparently he had taken what I said to heart and given me some space, but now, he wants to "play ball". He started off casually by placing a rice crispy treat on my desk....and I have to buy about 5 of them every tuesday because they go fast in our vending machine...so, that was sweet of him. Two days later, I get an email asking how my week was going, and the next day, he invites me out for a "casual date of playing pool and having drinks". So, I say sure, not really knowing what to expect from him or even from myself. I've really been trying to get my mind into date mode, but I'm just not feeling it right now. Needless to say, I cancelled on him. I said yes, but for all of the wrong reasons. I felt that if I went on a date with this guy then maybe it would get my mind off of 007 and once I forgot about him, it would somehow make everything better. I didn't want to feel as if I was waiting around for a man who didn't want me to wait for him and that maybe going out with another man would make me want him just a tad bit less. But then I sat back and took it all in. I'm not ready just yet. I can't force my feelings away, they will dissipate in their own time. But until then, I'm taking baby steps forward, no looking back. It's time to walk away from the heartache and let go of the sadness because some things just weren't meant to be. And although the pieces of my heart that I gave him are still searching for their way back home, I will never lose hope that love will find me one day.

"Love makes your soul crawl out from it's hiding place" -Zora Neal Hurston

Bisous!
MiMi

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Heavy In Your Arms

2011-05-17T22:25:00.003-04:00

It's been a month and two weeks...that's how long I've been waiting for a sign of hope, just something to let me know that we're going to actually make it work.....Today I went with Casey to pick up the ring, and although I'm elated that my friends are taking that next step, I'm also just a little sad that I'm still the one left behind. No, it's not a race and I'm in no rush, but it just seems as if I'm not getting any closer to having that +1. And I usually continue friendships with the people that I've dated, but this time I really don't think that I can. I think that I just said the last few words that I'll ever say to him again and I didn't even know it until now...But here is the upside to all of this, at least I know what I want and deserve. I've been weeding out guys within the past month (yeah, I still get asked out...I do have somewhat of a life outside of work :/ ) so now I can possibly open up again and enjoy another mans company. I'm not going to jump into anything serious for a while, but, a little fun isn't going to hurt :) . When someone want's to be with you, they make it happen. It's time to stop waiting around for the one that doesn't. I'm not going out there looking, but I'm sure that the right one is bound to find me. Wish me luck ladies!

Bisous!
MiMi

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Sparks

2011-05-14T07:34:00.003-04:00

Ever heard of someone being in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? I finally met someone that I thought was going to be in my life for a lifetime. I've dated people and I've thought of the possibility of a future, but with him, I didn't think of it as being just a mere possibility. I could see an actual future....I could feel it. Something in my heart was telling me to let my guard completely down and just fall head over heels for him, but my mind was telling me to hold on to the reins just a bit longer. Comfort, happiness, care, support.....All of those things I gave to him freely. It was never forced. For the first time, I didn't have to force not one emotion. I didn't have to try to make myself feel something that I didn't in order to care. But I think that I have now allowed myself to care too much and now I'm left alone with a broken heart. And although I didn't allow myself to fall in love, the pieces of my heart that I did give him need time to heal.
I keep trying to convince myself that he wasn't important to me, that I really didn't care..... Trying to sike myself out. But this time my mind isn't allowing me to depreciate what my heart is still longing to feel.

MiMi

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Goodbye Game

2011-04-25T22:17:00.003-04:00

How many failed relationships can you have before the goodbyes become toxic to your soul?

How many lies can you hear before they start eating you alive? How do you stop yourself from saying anything at all? Are you supposed to pretend as if you don't know?

That seems to be the pattern in my life. Today I feel as if I'm emotionally immune. I'm numb and tired......... When does it end......

MiMi

Anywhere But Here

2011-04-24T19:21:00.004-04:00

Well ladies, I'm back.....again. It seems as if I only need to write when I'm having relationship woes...I feel as if I'm Ginnifer Goodwin's character from "He's Just Not That Into You". I may not give my all in every relationship like she did, but it seems as if the ones that I do put effort into, just fail. I haven't given him a nickname yet, so lets call the new guy 007. We met, we dated, we decided not to date anyone else, and then we were over......That's the way to sum it up. So, before we ended it, I had planned a date night for the two of us and instead of canceling like a normal person would do, I still went on with it. I know, I said that I wouldn't, but I did. Basically, the weekend ended with me crying and him saying "In the end, it will all work out for the best. We'll still talk." What did I expect? I guess that I expected some outward display of emotion, or maybe for him to feel the same emotions that I did, which was quite naive of me. If he ended things, then why would he feel the same emotions that I felt. No, I left the rose colored glasses on. Every day I gave him a piece of me because I was just so thankful for finally having a good man in my life. I figured that maybe he was someone that I could make plans with. You know, I've never had someone to make plans with. I've never had any stability whatsoever with any man. Hell, I brought him home to my parents, which as you all know, is a huge deal for me. So, I'm sitting here, trying my best to hold in my tears. I had so much to say to him, so much that I've been keeping in. I've been walking on eggshells these past few weeks because we were having too much back and forth for him and he couldn't focus, so, I held my tongue thinking that maybe it would make a difference. And now I'm realizing that keeping my emotions in isn't good for me. I have sooooo much on my plate right now and I was worried about giving him a nice weekend so that he could relax.....When is someone going to care enough about me?!?!?! So although I have a lot on my mind and my heart, I won't express any of that to him....And yeah, I shouldn't keep any of it in, which is why I've decided to start writing again. So, I think that whenever I get the urge to speak to him or whenever I feel like crying, I'll instead write to you ladies. I need to vent somehow....................Someone has to be out there waiting for me.....

...find me in God's heart

MiMi

I'm In Here

2010-12-18T13:29:00.007-05:00

I've learned so much this year about relationships. I guess that my biggest challenge has been allowing myself to realize that the "inbetween" stage doesn't really work for me. I don't like being in relationship limbo. Either we are hanging out just as friends, or dating, like actually dating to see where things go. That was my problem with R2D2. We didn't decide to define what we were doing until recently. While I was dating Boyscout, I was in limbo with R2D2 which created major problems. For the first time ever, R2D2 asked me about my dating situation. He's not a talker nor does he ask questions, but he decided that he wanted to know what was going on with me. I told him that he could ask whatever he wanted because I was an open book. He came to the conclusion that my actions towards him were directly related to my relationship with Boyscout, and he was right. I allowed myself to become completely enamored with one while distancing myself from him. I honestly didn't know that he had so much going on. It's not like I didn't ask, but he was too embarrassed to tell me. And all of that finally came out this Wednesday. I was super supportive towards Boyscout, but with R2D2, I just gave up, stopped caring, and emotionally checked out. That could also have a lot to do with the fact that we were still in that "inbetween" stage. I'm going home next week for Christmas and we've decided to take a day trip to Chattanooga because although we hang out when I go home, it's just that, hanging out. I like planning to do things that we wouldn't normally do and he's not a planner, but I can tell that he's making an effort. He sat online with me for days and hours trying to figure out what to do, places to go, where to stay, etc... And although I was pleased with the fact that he was trying, it's not enough to make me say "this could work". It's a step though. I asked him what he wanted from me. He says that he wants us to get along long enough to see where we can go because he see's potential. I don't know what I want from him or if I even want anything from him, but, I can honestly say that this is the last chance that I can give him. I was trying to figure things out with 2 different men at the same time, so I have to push my expectations aside. Boyscout gave me certain things that R2D2 didn't. I didn't have to worry about hearing from him or whether or not I crossed his mind because he told me. But he also left me in a way that R2D2 hasn't. Boyscout gave up completely and unemotionally, without looking back. So, I guess that it's time for me to give R2D2 a fair chance. And the best way to start, is with friendship. If we can't build a strong bond there, then whats the point. I won't accept anything other than the respect that I deserve and the open communication that is very much so needed between the two of us. And we can go from there.

Kite Song

2010-12-18T10:30:00.003-05:00

Yesterdays problems seem to be a bit less important today. Whatever questions that I've had or decisions that have been stressing me out, are just floating away, leaving me with a sense of calmness. I feel more at peace. Whatever has happened, just is. I can't change the past, but I can trust in my future.

This Year In Music's Song on Repeat:
1)Say A Prayer (featuring Faith Evans) by Donald Lawrence
2)How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty
3) American River by Jonathan Elias
4) Nowhere to now here by The Kin
5) Our Love Is Easy by Melody Gardot
6) Since You Been Gone by Aretha Franklin
7) I used to love H.E.R by Common
8) Lisboa Kuya by Sara Tavares
9) I wouldn't change a thing by Matt Pryor
10) H.C.P by Frayser Boy
11) Canal Song (end of sentence) by Iain Archer
12) One More Day by Vast
13) Flames by Vast
14) Friday Night Lights Soundtrack
15) True by The Frames
16) Halo (live Las Vegas) by Beyonce
17) Lament by Balmorhea
18) Broken Hearted by Kirk Franklin
19) Beautiful Flower by India Arie
20) Cry by Kelly Clarkson
21) Sandbar by Lisa Piccirillo
22) Can't give up now by Mary Mary
23) Everytime you go away by Brian Mcknight
24) Dirty Laundry by Bitter:Sweet
25) Come Around by Rosi Golan
26) This Love by Kelly Rowland
27) Lovesick Mistake by Erin McCarley
28) Here comes goodbye by Rascal Flats
29) The Time Is Now ( bambino casino mix) by Moloko
30) Down by Jason Walker
31) Glitter in the Air by Pink
32) Isn't it a lovely day by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
33) Opus 37 by Dustin O'Halloran
34) Hemorrhage by Fuel
35) Hazy by Rosi Golan
36) Bloodstream by Stateless
37) Finding Beauty by Craig Armstrong
38) About Today by The Nationals
39) Roads by Portisheah
40) Say (All I Need) by One Republic
41) The Absence of Your Company by Kim Richey
42) The Only Exception by Paramore
43) My Skin by Natalie Merchant
44) So the Bear Wipes His Ass With the Rabbit by Lesser Birds of Paradise
45) You Do by Until June
46) Silver Coin by Angus and Julia Stone
47) Existentialism On Prom Night by Straylight Run
48) Dam Bo by Sara Tavares
49) Autumn by Paolo Nutini
50) I am Music by Common
51) Come Home by One Republic
52) A Slow Dance by Explosions in the Sky
53) Cover Me by 21:03
54) Let Go by Dewayne Woods
55) Out of Reach by Lowgold
56) Southern Stuff by Anthony Hamilton
57) City Boy by Keb Mo'
58) The Slow Life by Chris Pierce
59) Dietro Casa by Ludovico Einaudi
60) My Glowing Morning Dreams by As Tall As Lions
61) Grateful by Hezekiah Walker
62) Lost by Michael Buble
63) He Came To Meet Me by Hem
64) Someone by Musiq Soulchild
65) Turn Away by Helen Jane Long
66) Letting Go by Casados
67) Lament by Balmorhea
68) Rebirth of Slick (Cool like dat) by Digable Planets
69) So Small by Boyce Avenue
70) Kite Song by Rosie Thomas
71) Scenario by A Tribe Called Quest
72) When I fall by Lizz Wright
73) Someday by Haroula Rose
74) I'm in here by Sia
75) Fix You by Coldplay
76) Make You Feel My Love by Adele
77) Street Corner Preacher by Amos Lee
78) Satellite Heart By Anya Marina
79)Across the Ocean by Azure Ray
80) Smash Into You by Beyonce
81) Sideways by Citizen Cope
82) Colorblind by Counting Crows
83) Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
84) Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson
85) Venus vs. Mars by Jay-Z
86) The Fact Is ( I Need You) by Jill Scott
87) You Pulled Me Through by Jennifer Hudson
88) Nicest Thing by Kate Nash
89) Where the Road Meets the Sun by Katie Herzig and Matthew Perryman Jones
90) Use Somebody by Kings of Leon
91) Happy by Leona Lewis
92) La Vie En Rose by Louis Armstrong
93) Element by Moses Mayfield
94) So You Can Cry by Ne-Yo
95) Come Away With Me by Nora Jones
96) Russian Roulette by Rhianna
97) Makin Love by Fabolous feat. Ne-Yo
98) Brooklyn by Wakey! Wakey!
99) New Favorite by Allison Krauss and Union Station
........and my all time favorite
100) Summertime by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

About Today

2010-12-15T21:57:00.007-05:00

OMG! Such an exciting day! I found out the best news of my career. So we had meetings all day and I had to present an executive summary basically stating my accomplishments of 2010 and my goals for 2011. Some time in November, actually, the 22nd to be exact, my department heads director sat me down in her office and basically told me to brainstorm and formulate a business plan to present to the President in regards to branching off and starting my own department. She doesn't feel as if I'm being used to my full potential and to be honest, neither do I. Now fast forward to today. I'm sitting in the second half of meetings and after I give my presentation, she blurted out that she wants me to branch out and start a specific department. I was breathing a sigh of relief because now I didn't have create something completely off of the back of my head. My department now has a basic platform, but I'm starting everything from the ground up because it doesn't exist at all within my company. I have......(20 second pause and drum roll)........120 days!!! Oh, but wait, that's not all. She WANTS it in 30 days, she's just giving me 120 to work out any tweaks....SERIOUSLY!!!! Who is freaking out....I AM! But, the best thing about her is that she is super positive and she always makes you feel as if you can conquer the world and although I'm scared and nervous, I know this is something that I can do and more importantly, something that I want to do. Ok, now on to the exciting part. I can work remotely from, well, ANYWHERE! I can literally move wherever I want once I get this up and running. I can have my department anywhere that I want. I can move to ATL, DC, CALI, NYC, Timbuktu...wherever the wind blows. AWESOMENESS!!!!!! And since I really only have 30 days(soooo wishing that was a joke), I'm hoping to move out of SF in the early parts of 2011.............. I'm paving my own way............finally

"If you don't define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive"- Audre Lorde ...........thank you Dee

Bisous!
MiMi

Someday

2010-12-12T21:21:00.003-05:00

Does the fairytale exist?

I'm watching this lifetime movie called "Marry Me" and I've realized that in every single movie that involves romance, there is a fairytale ending. Boy meets girl, boy and girl have a quirky, yet random first interaction, boy and girl fall in love, boy or girl makes a huge mistake, they part, and all of a sudden find each other again because of the "big gesture" that one of them makes, boy marries girl, the end........I mean, does that really even happen? I'm a big romantic, yeah, i know that's pretty shocking, but I am, so I would love to believe that this stuff isn't a complete fabrication. It would be awesome if somewhere, some guy or girl is out there pouring their heart out to that special someone just to make it right. Even if nothing is wrong, it would be nice just to know that there are people out there who give their all just to keep what they have....so, does that actually happen? Is the fairytale real? How do you know when that person is "the one"? How do you know when it's just.....right? I honestly have no clue. What I've thought was right wasn't. I still don't know if I was walking around with rose colored glasses, but I am apparently a horrible judge at what's right and what just isn't real. So, how do you know?

Bisous!
MiMi

Firework

2010-12-11T09:43:00.005-05:00

Yesterday R2D2 called...yeah, we still speak occasionally....Anyways, he asked about my recent interview and how it went....Conversation playback:

R2D2: "Did you wear the snackwrap or did you do something else to your hair?".... Now, most of you don't know that "snackwrap" in Florida means short haircut, so ever since he found that out, that's been my nickname.
Me: "I wore my hair as is. I gave myself a fresh twist out"
R2D2: "Oh no! Why didn't you perm or straighten your hair?"
Me: "Ummm, seriously....Wow"

Is saying F-you rude? No, no, I didn't say it, but I was thinking it. Does everyone have to have a perm or straightened hair? Do you really want me to be like plenty of other women who constantly use that creamy crack, have thinning hair from it, and are now adding tons of weave to cover their mistake? Hell, screw that, I don't want to be that woman. Now don't get me wrong, I thought about doing something else to my hair...... briefly. I thought, "hmmm, maybe I should get braids again?". And then I realized that they already knew exactly what I looked like, natural hair and all. But never, EVER, did I once think about straightening my hair. I do NOT want straight hair. I just did a second BC due to wayyyyy too much heat from a press out and this time around, I'm loving it. I do not miss the smell of a flat iron running through my hair. I do not miss sitting around in a salon for 8 hrs every other Saturday just to get something, that is clearly not healthy, done to my hair. I do not miss having to run out of the rain just so that I wont mess up that "fresh perm". There are so many things that I just don't miss. And I'm not knocking anyone with relaxed or straight hair, but it's just not my thing. I am happy to be nappy!!!

Bisous!
MiMi

Cover Me

2010-12-09T18:46:00.007-05:00

To My "Friendly" Neighborhood Pessimist:

You've been lingering way too long. I get it. We're going through a lot, but seriously, snap out of it. It's just this thing called life. Your job is to be pessimistic Mimi, but Mimi as a whole needs a break from you. Her body is tired, her mind is moving at warped speed, and she just needs a moment of silence. She's been busy looking for a new job, but the perfect one will come along in time. She's been through dating hell this year, but you know what, God is mixing and matching and adding every ingredient possible to make sure the man that she ends up with is wonderful and deserving of her. She's been up and down the east coast and is completely worn out, but there has never been a dull moment. Always a place to lay her head, money in her pocket, wonderful friends to see and memories made. She's had to cut back on her shoe addiction.....well, that was much needed due to lack of closet space. See, there is an upside to everything. So give the girl a break. You know what? How about you take a break as well. A paid vacation, a leave of absence if you will, and I'll just take over from here for a while.

............Exhale

Sincerely,
Your Optimistic Counterpart

Until the Last Falling Star

2010-12-07T17:38:00.004-05:00

When? I keep asking myself when. When will I stop kissing frogs and finally meet my prince charming? When will I find happiness with another? When will any of it be real? I keep asking.....

Why? I'm continuously questioning why. Why am I still single? Why do I have this pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men even though I am now emotionally available? Why did I even allow myself to become vulnerable in the first place?

Where? Dear God, where is he? Where is my answer? Should I check the mailbox, how about my email...maybe you sent it to me through txt.....hmmmm, I'm waiting Man upstairs

I'm tired of this dating game. Maybe that's where I've gone wrong. I've allowed myself to play this "game". I've been allowing other people to play this "game" with me. If I'm tired of the questions, then I should stop giving myself a reason to ask them. I don't want to go back into that dark hole of unconsciousness. I don't want to not care, to be heartless. I want love. I don't want the faint hope of a mere possibility. I want love. I want the "I miss you even when you make me angry, support you no matter what, I may not have the urge to pass out but I do feel my heart flutter when we kiss, hold me when I need you most, walk with me hand in hand through life, this feels right" kinda love. I thought that I was content with my internal solitude, but, no, I was only fooling myself.....

....find me in God's heart...speak to me of love

MiMi

Raining In Baltimore

2010-12-06T17:12:00.002-05:00

I'm back from my trip. It was fairly calm. We laid around watching movies, listening to music, partaking in spirits, and just relaxing. We even played a game of scattegories........ until the random blackout. Did anyone else experience the blackout or was that just in the area that we were in?
If any of you head up to the Baltimore area, I would say go to Little Havana for Sunday brunch. Cant beat a crab omelet, all you can drink pitchers of mimosas and 50 million flatscreens with every single football game on imaginable for just 14.95...AWESOME! That does NOT exist in South FL. I had a great time with Taadie and Shelle. Felt like old times. The only downfall was having to answer the "what happened?" questions. I avoided it as much as possible, but, yeah, can't just have a change of plans and no one ask about it. I was trying to forget everything, to just erase it all.....He and I had the conversation. No, not in person, but as I was boarding my flight back to FL, and it went exactly as expected..... You all know how I am about music and how every title is a song and every single person, situation, or what have you, in my life has a song.......

Paramore - "The Only Exception"
Kim Richey - " The Absence of Your Company"

.....The End

This morning I had some much needed rest. I woke up at 6:45, realized that I was exhausted from all of this traveling that I've been doing, and went back to sleep. I wish that I could go in everyday at noon....Ahhh, if only I ruled the world.... So, other than heading back to ATL for xmas, oh, and this weeks day trip to MD, I don't think that I'll be hoping on a plane anymore this year. I know, I know. I did say that I would still consider heading back up to DC for New Years, but, I'm leaning moreso towards no. We'll see....... Ne-ways, random post, but that's about all that I have to report.

Bisous!
MiMi

Waking Up

2010-12-02T17:27:00.001-05:00

Realization

For the longest, I thought that I had something that I believed to be, a relationship phobia. But now that I'm coming into my own, I'm realizing that it was a fear of acceptance, or the lack thereof. I had never fully accepted myself. I never stopped to think, "hey, you're pretty great". I just allowed myself to think that I was average, nothing of importance and that carried over into my relationships. I would purposefully destroy a relationship because I felt that if I didn't think that I was great then I'm sure that he couldn't possibly think that, so, what's the point?.... How can someone who doesn't have a healthy relationship with themselves have any kind of normal stability with anyone else? Well, you can't. It's impossible. And the sad part was that I knew exactly what I was doing. Relationship after relationship, I was purposefully sabotaging anything and everything that came my way. I was the epitome of an emotionally stunted person.

Self Acceptance

The fact that I'm a pretty great person has taken years to grasp. Even if no one else sees what I do, at least I see it. Operative word: "I". Don't get me wrong, I still have plenty of hoops to jump through, but I now realize that I am significant, that I am important, that I am completely capable, and that If I need too, I can hold my own hand. I guess that I was just the girl who was "waiting to find herself in her own reflection."

Continuous Progression

Everyday presents something new, whether its a step forward or a slight push backwards. I am praying that I don't regress because I've come so far. Faith and Hope, those are the two things that I'm holding on to. Everything else will fall into place!!!

Bisous!
MiMi