F*ck was I

I haven't been in a good place, which is why there have been very few updates. I'm not sure if everyone knows exactly what happened with R2D2. Well, he had a girlfriend...yep, we had been dating for 9 months, and it turns out that he officially started a relationship with a young lady 3 months before we started dating. I got an angry email from her, and then she and I spoke on the phone. My heart went out to her because although what R2D2 did was completely wrong to both of us, she was the only one hurt by it. I didn't feel anything at all because my heart was never in it. And he was so nonchalant about the whole thing, that I didn't even care to ask questions or figure it out.....I was just done with him, no looking back, no second thoughts...... Two weeks after that, I reunite with 007. Things are great in the beginning. I do my normal MiMi freakout and he reassures me that he isn't like every other guy that I've dated, so I have no cause to freakout or pack my bags and run from this relationship. Yeah, we were exclusive, or at least I was. It happened again. I wasn't informed about another woman. And although I was told that nothing happened, that the txt messages meant nothing, it was told to me in such a nonchalant way that lead me to believe that he didn't care about me in the first place. There was no fight for me, he wasn't fighting for me to believe him, he fought for me to let it go, to not ask questions because he answered them all. So, I let another man talk me into opening up, and he doesn't even care that he let me down or that he actually broke my heart. And maybe nothing happened with that particular woman, but his actions lead me to believe that it might have happened with someone. That the flirting might have actually escalated into something more. And by actions, I mean that he willingly saw this young lady again. My apparent heartache couldn't even stop that. That's not respect or concern or care. That screams "I don't give a fuck". Well, I guess that his screams were loud enough for me to finally hear.

So here I am again ladies. I don't know what I do to attract these men that are just too selfish to give me a second thought, but I think that I'm going to lay low for a while. My relationships really haven't been working out, as you can see, so I'm going to take a step back from it all before my heart becomes completely unrepairable to where Mr. Right can't even fix it.




Bisous!
MiMi



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