The Kill

I've just realized that I'm trying to replace "romantic" intimacy with sex. When you constantly leave a situation crying because you aren't being kissed or held, when you aren't being told "I miss you" or "I wish you were here", when everything seems to be a game, and you aren't being taken seriously, there is a problem. I've recently been in such a situation. I was trying to deny my feelings, but I will admit that I did fall "head over heels" and now I'm trying to figure out what went wrong and how to walk away. It hurts having to ask someone all of the time to kiss you or hold you without it being in jest. I can't remember the last time that any of those things were done without having to ask for it. And although when I express my emotions through text I receive a response, in person is a completely different story. So, I eventually just gave up and decided that maybe sex would replace the "romantic" intimacy that was missing in that relationship. I kept telling myself, "He's a good man, just wait for him to come around". That has got to stop. He may be a good man, but he isn't reciprocating what I'm giving to him, he isn't opening his heart to me, so, maybe he just isn't the right man for me. That's hard for me to say or even think because of how I feel about him, but all of the signs are there. I live hundreds of miles away, so, when we see each other he shouldn't be able to keep his hands off of me, he should make a way to spend as much time with me as he can...I should feel wanted.



MiMi

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